I think I died a long time ago.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
