Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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