Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
