She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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