I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
