He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
