no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
