I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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