After last night, I could never be a politician.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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