Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
