she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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