tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
