You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize