I accidentally burped into my bong.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
