And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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