Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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