yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
