Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
