youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
