I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
