we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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