The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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