Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
