this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
