Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
