I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
