I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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