Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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