nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
