we have pet lesbian snakes
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I need moral support for this bender
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
