im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
