She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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