you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
