this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
