you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize