i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
