haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
