can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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