so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize