forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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