I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
