you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
