they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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