it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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