remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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