I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
