I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
