overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
