i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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