I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
