They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
