i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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