even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
