In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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