So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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