I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
