I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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