guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm passing your future prison.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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