If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
