; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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