mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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