that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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