I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize