Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
