the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
