She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
