i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
