So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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